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03-Jun-2019 02:09

" or "The only way you're ever getting into my pants is if you're trying on ladies clothing at Goodwill." more Ladies Who Hunch You can't always find your one and only, but you can sometimes find your three-quarters and only...more The Sum Of His Beers You've got to be wondering what it would take for you two to live happily ever after...cirrhosis? more Yawn Juan In looking for love, a number of people confuse "the chase" with something closer to criminal stalking.more How I Met Your Smother Stalkers usually want to date you or chain you to a radiator in their basement, not force you to choose between the calla lilies and the "Winter Blessings" wedding centerpiece... more Wipe That Green Off Your Face You see a friend achieving some success and you say, "So happy for you. " -- which is a more polite way of saying, "I hope you are stricken with a rare deadly form of full-body adult acne"...

To you, the painting screams, "Ha-ha, I had sex with your girlfriend!

more Mood Poisoning There are relaxation tapes that repeat a word or statement to help you go to sleep, but "I hate you... I hope you fall in a manhole and drown in the sewer" isn't one I've seen in the catalog.

more James And The Giant Leech This woman lives paycheck to paycheck. more Loathe Story According to your office Socrates, "How do I love thee?

Keep your profile positive and you soon will be attracting all sorts of potential partners.

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Wedding Duress You know you can count on him to "put a ring on it" -- when he sets his beer down without a coaster on your vintage lacquered Donghia side table...Let me count the ways" should be answered with "I slashed your tires. And I'm looking forward to chasing you down the street while waving highly realistic replicas of scary medieval weapons..." more Pi In The Face Men don't mind being corrected by a woman if it's "Oooh, yes...a little more to the right" -- not "I think you meant 'whom,' but hey, no judgments." more The Gym Reaper There are people -- some of them men -- who won't take no for an answer.